I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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