look no pants
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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