make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
