i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
