It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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