I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
