I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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