You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
