Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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