Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
