gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
