I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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