I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
