Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
