well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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