Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
