There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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