walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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