how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
