You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
