Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize