awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
zippers are such a cool invention
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
