you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
