so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
