a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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