Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
