I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
