I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
