We're facebook friends in real life
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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