I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
