Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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