So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
