I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dear god my vagina.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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