Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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