I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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