Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
