i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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