Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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