Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
