apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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