Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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