I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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