oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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