Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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