I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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