dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
