I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
