This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
