I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
