Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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