Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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