Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All I want is dick and wine.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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