god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
