Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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