my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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