I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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