Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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