I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
