I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
