Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
