If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
