she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
