I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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