Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Who died my cat blue again?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
