Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
