i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
