11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
