I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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