bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
