I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
