I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
