ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
