I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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