is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
